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Research Group
Posts: 2531/4165
Donated $2.44
(23-Dec-2005 at 04:22)


Scientific Proof that Santa Doesn't Exist!

Scientific Disproof of Santaís Existence

There are 2 billion children in the world (persons under 18). But
since Santa doesn't (appear to) handle Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, or
Buddhist children, that reduces the workload by 85% of the
total--leaving 378 million according to the Population Reference
Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household,
that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there is at least one good
child per house.

Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different
time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to
west(which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second.
This is to say that for each Christian household with good children,
Santa has 1/1000 th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump
down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the remaining presents
under the tree, eat whatever
snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the
sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8
million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of
course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations
we will accept), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household, a
total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting stops to do what most
of us do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding, etc. That means
that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second,3000 times the
speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made
vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles
per second - a conventional reindeer can run, at tops 25-30 miles per
hour.

The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming
each child gets nothing more then a medium sized LEGO set (2 lbs), the
sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably
described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no
more than 300 pounds. Even granting the "flying reindeer" can pull TEN
TIMES that normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even
nine--we need 214,200 reindeer. This increased the payload--not even
counting the weight of the sleigh--to353,430 tons. Again for
comparison, this is four times the weight of the HMS Queen
Elizabeth.

353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air
resistance. This will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as
spacecrafts reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair will
absorb 14.3QUINTILLION joules of energy per second, each. In short,
they will burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the
reindeer behind them, and creating a deafening sonic boom in their
wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized
within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa meanwhile, will be subject
to centrifugal forces of 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250
lb. Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back
of the sleigh by a 4,315,015 pound force. In conclusion, if Santa ever
DID deliver presents on Christmas eve, he's now dead.


remember: Science does not believe in Magic
#1  
View Public Profile Find more posts by NeoDeGenero Add NeoDeGenero to your Buddy List Reply with Quote
Posts: 236/680
(23-Dec-2005 at 04:49)


I remember reading this somewhere, care to cite the source?

heh, way to ruin it for the kids. Actually, this is what ruined it for them:
http://www.cnn.com/2005/SHOWBIZ/TV/1....ap/index.html

#2  
View Public Profile Find more posts by aC23 Add aC23 to your Buddy List Reply with Quote
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(23-Dec-2005 at 04:51)


nooooo there goes my childhood hero gone in a milli of a second due to lousy reindeers. lol

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#3  
View Public Profile Find more posts by Narth Add Narth to your Buddy List Reply with Quote
(Posted as Electric Prince)
Posts: 246/616
(23-Dec-2005 at 04:54)


LOL NDG! Nice one there! But I think you just spoiled the fun for people like me who still wishes for the existance of Santa in their subconscious


Valar Morghulis
#4  
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(Posted as Jarlaxle Baenre)
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(23-Dec-2005 at 05:52)


Apparently there was a priest somewhere who told this to kids. He was shredded by parents. I love this

Rumours of my demise are greatly exaggerated
Do the impossible
See the invisible
ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWER
#5  
View Public Profile Visit Eltargrim's homepage Find more posts by Eltargrim Add Eltargrim to your Buddy List Reply with Quote
Research Group
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(23-Dec-2005 at 05:56)


i got that one off a chain-mail, but i did see it at www.animeost.net aswell.
#6  
View Public Profile Find more posts by NeoDeGenero Add NeoDeGenero to your Buddy List Reply with Quote
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(23-Dec-2005 at 06:06)
You forgot one thing in your calculations...

Santa has Magic!
#7  
View Public Profile Find more posts by MrKeith Add MrKeith to your Buddy List Reply with Quote
(Posted as not nerb)
Research Group
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(23-Dec-2005 at 06:26)
You assumed there is only 1 santa

Isn't there meant to be one for each country, i remember each country has a different name for them or something.

*heres hoping that he does exist*
#8  
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(Posted as Bucky Badger SF)
Posts: 637/652
(23-Dec-2005 at 06:28)


ahahahaha my one engineering professor gave us that right before break, i love it, but despite it there's one thing missing, the bad kids get coal, so that'll muck with his equation a bit more. poor santa, reindeer meat anyone?

Go Sens Go!
#9  
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(23-Dec-2005 at 06:31)


I do believe that santa has close ties with the Flying Spaghetti Monster. With the assistance of his devine noodley appendage and the Duffman Light (TM) elves, Santa Claus can do anything. HA! My reasoning has destroyed your science!

*does a nerdy sarcastic dance*
#10  
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(23-Dec-2005 at 07:49)


Re: Scientific Proof that Santa Doesn't Exist!

Originally Posted by aC23:
I remember reading this somewhere, care to cite the source?
i have the french translation of this text in an old humoristic magazine, and they cited mad magazine as the original source of that, probably between 14 to 10 years ago

There's nothing like the sound of hundreds of voices screaming in unison - Kefka

Attention Blisk. I am Cryptosporidium of the Planet Furon. This planet is now a territory of the Furon Empire. And your asses belong to me. - Crypto-138

Last edited by cathou79, 23-Dec-2005 at 07:50.
#11  
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(23-Dec-2005 at 08:57)


But you are forgetting how Santa stops time.

And shit like that.

yeah.

My Band
How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
5. One to change it, and the other 4 to hold the guitarists back who are trying to hog the light.
#12  
View Public Profile Find more posts by Zelun Add Zelun to your Buddy List Reply with Quote
Posts: 1066/2670
(23-Dec-2005 at 09:39)


yes zelun covered it....santa stops time..thats the whole key....duh

"Hmph, you and your third dimension."
"What about it?" "Oh nothing, itís cute. We have five."
"Th-thousand."
"Yes five thousand."
"Donít question it."
#13  
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Global Moderator
Posts: 2617/3863
(23-Dec-2005 at 11:07)


Quote:
On the show, young Tonya becomes a lot more cynical. Her mother explains that Santa Claus is a symbol and asks: "So you do understand?"

"Yeah," the girl replies. "It's OK to lie."
Which is what it all comes down to. Of what significance is Santa Claus? Why do we lie to our kids, only years later to disappoint them when they find out the truth.

Would Christmas be any less special for Christians if we left the whole Santa thing out?

People, like snowflakes, are all slightly different, but we all follow the same patterns -Stewie
Believe those who are seeking the truth; doubt those who find it.

Some people are like Slinkies- absolutely useless, but always fun to push down stairs!
#14  
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(Posted as Starfriend)
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(23-Dec-2005 at 11:10)


This has been posted before... wouldn't hurt if people searched before making new (old) threads.

http://forums.utopiatemple.com/showthread.php?t=8283
#15  
View Public Profile Find more posts by Konc Add Konc to your Buddy List Reply with Quote
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(23-Dec-2005 at 12:27)


woudn't that make moe sens in metric?

how do you convert pounds, miles into joules?

that must be a realy painful operation

When your girlfriend dumps you on your birthday after you failed the hardest class, lost your wallet and broke your knees, have a Beer.
When you're chassed by a tax colletor, 5 wolves in a burning forest while being forced to listen to all of B. Spears' CDs, have a Beer.


And if beer fails, do some maths
#16  
View Public Profile Visit Helvetie's homepage Find more posts by Helvetie Add Helvetie to your Buddy List Reply with Quote
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(23-Dec-2005 at 12:54)


Neo, Santa has amazing time-capsule-travel-device-gizmo that has also a bottle oppener With that, time is no issue. Eventually once you use that device, time is infinite ^^

And by the way, I think Santa is more real than Mehul

Generalization is rhetorics of simpletons.
"Sages learn from history... idiots learn from experience" -Fairy Tail manga
#17  
View Public Profile Find more posts by Lord Menchalior Add Lord Menchalior to your Buddy List Reply with Quote
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(23-Dec-2005 at 13:25)
Thats total bullshit.....it assumes a mightly lot by saying that every house has a child in it when in fact it dosent.

i hate that post
#18  
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(23-Dec-2005 at 17:16)


Neo ... man I hate to tell you this but you're gonna get a lump of coal if you keep up that kinda talk.

Man is the only animal that blushes, or needs to.-- Mark Twain
#19  
View Public Profile Visit Michael1's homepage Find more posts by Michael1 Add Michael1 to your Buddy List Reply with Quote
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(23-Dec-2005 at 17:27)


I was under the impression that there are hundreds of Santas with thousands of reindeers and elves to help them in a warm underground cavern right under both North and South poles.

Black + White = no colour

Make no colour your favourite colour!

#20  
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