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(Posted as Blader8C)
Posts: 248/1865
(31-Dec-2003 at 15:04)


content What have we done to the English language?

Here, I picked this up from my Grandpa some time ago, and thought you might get some kicks out of it. It's basically about the English language and how we've created a monster out of it. I think. Anyway, have fun!

----------------------------------------------------

If you ever feel stupid, then just read on. If you've learned to speak fluent English, you must be a genius! This little treatise on the lovely language we share is only for the brave. Peruse at your leisure, English lovers.

Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail

18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries
in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet,
are meat.


Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but
fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?


If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?


Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.


If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?


If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?


If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?


In what language do people recite a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?


Have noses that run and feet that smell?


How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?


You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.


English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.


That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.


P.S. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?

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#1  
View Public Profile Find more posts by Lonely Tylenol Add Lonely Tylenol to your Buddy List Reply with Quote
Posts: 111/214
(31-Dec-2003 at 15:16)


I heard of that before in class..but good job for typing all that out if u really did.

---------------------------------------------------------
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#2  
View Public Profile Find more posts by rangers15 Add rangers15 to your Buddy List Reply with Quote
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(31-Dec-2003 at 15:40)


Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.

Thats because ammend is a shorted version of Ammendment.
#3  
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(Posted as Blader8C)
Posts: 250/1865
(31-Dec-2003 at 15:47)


So then why can't you make amendments?

Hmm. Oh well. Still doesn't make sense. It's like being able to make millions, but not a million. Sounds stupid to me...

Thanks, I did type it out. Grandpa's would be too hard to make out.

Top results for the Economic Literacy pop quiz - take the Economic Literacy Quiz now!
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2. Jasse, Kazac, chessness, Lonely Tylenol (Me) with 8 points
3. alero, Amanema Tsukihi, cdndude83, ebeneezer, Gus Mackay, Iranos, Lodewijk, Michael1, Seint, sparky wizzle, WillowWalker with 7 points
#4  
View Public Profile Find more posts by Lonely Tylenol Add Lonely Tylenol to your Buddy List Reply with Quote
Posts: 898/910
(31-Dec-2003 at 15:50)


Learn Esperanto instead then...

Sir Lohrtar the Mortar

The Crusader of Retribution
Let not thy will roar, when thy power can but whisper
#5  
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(Posted as Gammy M)
Posts: 1011/1574
Donated $0.60
(31-Dec-2003 at 16:41)


Because words looks the same and have a different meaning it's a hard language to learn? Any second language to learn is difficult.

And about half of those were different spellings and just look the same

Like polish and Polish...The vowel is long in one and short in the other. One is capitalized and one isn't. Once you learn the rules for the vowels and such, it shouldn't be too hard.

Yet again, I've been learning the lagnguage since Kindergarden

-------------------------------------
"Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped."

-------------------------------------
#6  
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Posts: 53/464
(31-Dec-2003 at 16:49)


i am to lazy to read this
#7  
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Posts: 660/834
Donated $1.08
(31-Dec-2003 at 18:06)


And you've just admirably demonstrated the other thing, not mentioned here:

Too, to, two.

Fade Away[/center][/size]
#8  
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(Posted as Gammy M)
Posts: 1012/1574
Donated $0.60
(31-Dec-2003 at 18:08)


All spelt differently, I don't get why it's so hard

-------------------------------------
"Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped."

-------------------------------------
#9  
View Public Profile Find more posts by Gamharlt Add Gamharlt to your Buddy List Reply with Quote
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(31-Dec-2003 at 18:34)


But looking at the word it seems as if its pronounced the same.
You try to pronounce two different words in an unknown language that is written similar.

Insert funny comment here.
#10  
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(Posted as Blader8C)
Posts: 252/1865
(31-Dec-2003 at 18:43)


None of this explains why fingers can't fing.

Or why:

Quote:
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

Top results for the Economic Literacy pop quiz - take the Economic Literacy Quiz now!
1. Pip Squeek with 10 points!
2. Jasse, Kazac, chessness, Lonely Tylenol (Me) with 8 points
3. alero, Amanema Tsukihi, cdndude83, ebeneezer, Gus Mackay, Iranos, Lodewijk, Michael1, Seint, sparky wizzle, WillowWalker with 7 points
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(Posted as AngelicDeath M)
Posts: 2385/2739
Donated $2.40
(31-Dec-2003 at 18:58)


I'm just glad that I was born English, 'cause it must be bloody hard to learn!

-Angelic Death-
x nizlopi - jcb song for xmas #1! x
x there is a light and it never goes out... x
#12  
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Posts: 122/182
(31-Dec-2003 at 19:13)


freak

and I was expectin to pass mah future english classes ... BLEHZ ... down with english!!! UP with KOREAN =P

O_D Kwon Boa O_D
Elder of The Black Horde
"...a song for you ... a song for lover..."
~Kwon Boa~
#13  
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(Posted as AngelicDeath M)
Posts: 2385/2739
Donated $2.40
(31-Dec-2003 at 19:19)


My finger fings...

* fings Blader8C *


-Angelic Death-
x nizlopi - jcb song for xmas #1! x
x there is a light and it never goes out... x
#14  
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(Posted as Blader8C)
Posts: 252/1865
(31-Dec-2003 at 19:19)


It's the same in every other language, except the words are spelled way differently.

Top results for the Economic Literacy pop quiz - take the Economic Literacy Quiz now!
1. Pip Squeek with 10 points!
2. Jasse, Kazac, chessness, Lonely Tylenol (Me) with 8 points
3. alero, Amanema Tsukihi, cdndude83, ebeneezer, Gus Mackay, Iranos, Lodewijk, Michael1, Seint, sparky wizzle, WillowWalker with 7 points
#15  
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(Posted as Gammy M)
Posts: 1018/1574
Donated $0.60
(31-Dec-2003 at 19:21)


Quote:
(Originally posted by AngelicDeath M)

I'm just glad that I was born English, 'cause it must be bloody hard to learn!
Got to agree

Thank god for my first grade teacher!

-------------------------------------
"Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped."

-------------------------------------
#16  
View Public Profile Find more posts by Gamharlt Add Gamharlt to your Buddy List Reply with Quote
Posts: 104/126
(31-Dec-2003 at 19:25)
Re: What have we done to the English language?

"survivors be buried"???
#17  
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(Posted as demiangh)
Posts: 105/1431
(31-Dec-2003 at 20:36)


English is really hard to learn, will all that multiple meaning words, so it shoul be changed, so all words have just one meaning

1000 rep points...eeh I mean 296
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#18  
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(Posted as Eldarad CoS)
Posts: 133/329
Donated $9.01
(31-Dec-2003 at 23:35)


Interesting...that very same thing was on Radio 2 yesterday...
#19  
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(31-Dec-2003 at 23:43)


English is pretty easy once you come grips to its bazillion technical rules..

Signature suspended by SM Tengu for violating the forum's rules. [Non-English rule]
#20  
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